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Captain's Log- Stardate Angsty

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Yes, it is the first blog by me! I have been avoiding this altogether but I suppose it is no longer possible.
The reason I have not been active all that much lately is because I am stressed about some things. My grandmother is dying of lung and brain cancer, as you know. Her condition is steadily decreasing and my mother quit her job to move to Colorado and take care of her and my high-maintenance grandfather. I have never liked either of my grandparents and as I find out more about them I find myself despising them, not helped by the fact that my mother is forced to move away from her husband and children to take care of their sorry asses. To make matters worse, my sister has quit both of her summer jobs in order to move to Colorado for the summer. The reason she has done this is because my mother, while arguably a good daughter, is not capable of taking care of both her parents and dealing with my completely self-centered junkie asshole of an uncle, that is, her brother, who also lives in Colorado.

On top of this matter, one of my brothers may be bipolar. He refused to be tested for it and completely flips his shit whenever anyone mentions it. Frequently he flies off the handle, often at the baiting of my other, older brother, who is dealing with ADD problems and control issues, as well as his tendency towards misanthropy.

There is little I can do to solve any of these problems, and instead of enjoying a relaxing summer vacation I am staying at home and helping my father with the housework, which is always quite the ordeal because he has mental health problems and is unable to be happy in any household that is the slightest bit dirty. Also, he is missing my mother, whom he has not been away from for more than a week since they got married 25 years ago.

Spelling out all my problems like this has made me feel miserable, but I can only hope that things will improve with speed. The fact that what will help my family most is the death of my grandparents, as much as I dislike them, makes me feel awful. I believe this is a situation that not even the greatest amount of hot chocolate can help. That does not stop me from trying.

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Post on Tue Jul 13, 2010 7:24 am by Katls

HUGS FOR ZIGGY!

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Post on Tue Jul 13, 2010 10:11 am by Samiam

O Ziggy if i could hug you so hard to get rid of your problems I would!!

Its hard to be in that situation, I haven't been in the exact same situation but I have lived through hard times. My grandmother died from breast cancer, she didn't go slowly or quietly. She to suffered from mental health issues and was in need of medication that she refused to take. Times were very tough in the final months of her life.

Spelling out your problems shouldn't make you feel terrible Ziggy, being able to recognize what is troubling you is the fist step to making them stop

There is little you can do to fix these problems, you are not suppose to be the adult in these situations. Your father and brother must face the fact that they have problems, mental health issues cannot be resolved until the person who haves them decides to get help. This I know for a fact. Your brother is going to need help whether he wants it or not, try places such as this one. You may need to have an intervention. Your father took medication then he is going to have to get back on his medication, no if ands or butts. If you have a family doctor then speak to him/her about your concerns, that may be the first step he needs.

The problems with your mother, she is going to have to be the one to solve her own problems. She has to take a stand to get her life under control, as long as she is "on call" to them they will not allow her to live her own life. Guilt tripping, manipulative behavior, they will do anything to get their way. As long as she allows herself to be their indentured servant, she will remain that way. IF you could talk to her and somehow explain that even tho those are her parents, she is a parent to and her husband and children should be the higher priority. There is nothing wrong with her wanting to try to care for her parents, but when it is affecting her home life as well as the lives of her family then things need to change. It may be time that your mom start looking into long term care for her parents. It is never a comfortable thing to do, but it has to be done, hospice care can be done right inside their home if they do not wish to be moved to a retirement facility.

If there is anything I can do, I will try my best to help you Ziggy. With what little I be able to do, I would still try. You may want to start finding every excuse under the sun to get out of the house as much as possible. Separating yourself from that environment may be what you need to do. You may end up spending a lot of nights over at a friend's house this summer.

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Post on Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:45 pm by Ziggles

Thank you for all the advice Sam. I think it would do me good to spend more time at my friends' anyway, I think they are nearly as lonely as I am. I may not be able to change my brothers, but my father has most of his mental health under control- unfortunately his shrink and some of his medication have been too expensive for us for some time. I think deep down my mother really wants to be with us, but she's simply too dutiful to back off from her parents' now. My sister has no business being in Colorado too, but as long as my mom is, she'll be too- she's nearly as dutiful as my mum. Wonderful as my family are, sometimes I just wanna leave this world for a while... I'm glad there are people who sympathize. My cats aren't giving me all the empathy I need, but I suppose that's too much to expect from them, anyhow...

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Post on Fri Jul 23, 2010 5:07 am by HollyŠÉ¶

Life has been a bitch to me as well - I dunno what to say that Sam hasn't already, but sometimes it helps to scream FUCK YOU to the world. We are here for you *Snuggle hug*

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