We need this, ok?

Ahem.

"I swear to science that I WILL get it done."


(A friend of mine.)

adam savage of the mythbusters:
i reject your reality and substitute my own!

Steve: "I am the queen of bees!" []

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the war room!" - President Merkin Muffley (From Dr. Strangelove)

"Hmm, that's the Red Light District.....I wonder what he's doing there".
"Sex, Frank?"
"Uh....not right now Ed, we have work to do".

Kyle: "You don't know anything about Christianity!"

Cartman: "I know enough to exploit it."

Jillian: "Brian, how do I know if I'm Jewish?"
Brian: "Are you Jewish?"
Jillian: "No."
Brian: "There you go, Scooter."

[]

Me: "Hey man, wanna go to Dublin to be an actor?"
Friend: "........................................................what? Seriously, what? I don't even....."

"I'm fuckin' deformed!"
"Fuck you, I'm dyin'!"

Mah dad:"What's wigga mean?"
Mah bro:"Oh er um..."
Me(reading):"White nigga, dad."
Mad dad:"HEY!"
Me:"That's why I don't use it!"
Dad:"But you sing that gangsta song."
Me:"That's MUSIC. ARTISTIC EXPRESSION"

Pinky:"Look at my Cher collection Brain! I have more than 300 CDs, t-shirts and photos! NARF!"
Brain:"Pinky, do you know the meaning of OBSESSION? Now we haven't time for this, we need to work on taking over the world!"
Pinky:"Oh Brain, I love it when you're all ironic!"

Just stopped Lucky Star for this:

Kagami: "Kona-chan, do you have any talent apart from making silly faces?"
Konata:"... I can name every Pokémon!"

"I am a cleaning NINJA. I'll make that dirt my BITCH".

-Questionable Content, no. 865

Capital! Just Capital!

The Grey Fox

Ellis from Left 4 Dead 2

"I ever tell you about the time Keith made sushi? Yeah, his mom took him to a sushi place for his birthday and he didn't want to go, and it turned out he LOVED it, man. But it's like 10 bucks a su-sho in one of them places, so Keith figures hey, how hard can it be to roll up some raw food in seaweed, right? As it turns out, it's hard. Now, they say that experience is the best teacher, and experience taught Keith that if you ever eat three pounds of raw chicken, it kills you. Now luckily, Keith's brain went into self-defense mode and started shutting organs down to head the chicken off at the pass, and the doctors were able to get 'em out before his heart stopped. But to this day, Keith has no sensation in his right foot, and he don't recognize his own brother Paul no more."


"One time the army bombed my buddy Keith. He went camping and didn't bother to read the signs, and I guess they were just testing bombs that day. All sorts of stuff too, not just regular bombs. Like biological nerve gas bombs, shrapnel bombs, these bombs that break up in the air into like a hundred smaller bombs--"


"Jimmy Gibbs Jr. is the man. I mean I don't know anybody like that, man. But there was this guy I knew, he raced dirt tracks, not stock cars but open wheeled cars you know, and he was racing once and a goat..." (Survivors interrupt) "Okay, but there was a goat."

"If the laws of nature allowed it, I would bear that man's children!"

O there is a million of them,

Source