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Bad Jokes!

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101 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Jul 06, 2013 5:20 am

Q: What's soft and green and purple?
A: Grass, I lied about the purple.

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102 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Jul 06, 2013 7:33 am

Tuomey

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King Under The Bridge
This one is pretty terrible, also kinda offensive
For context, I heard it from a buddy who was born in Northern Ireland

How do you stop a Protestant from going out?
Spoiler:
POUR MORE PETROL ON HIM

I told you it was offensive bro

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103 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Jul 06, 2013 8:29 am

Are we doing offensive jokes now? If so, here's one. If not, sorry, but I'm still posting this.

What do you do if you see a black man in your back yard, screaming in pain as he clutches a bullet wound on his arm?

Spoiler:
You stop laughing and you shoot him again

I SAID SORRY GOSH

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104 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Jul 06, 2013 10:48 am

How do you stop a kid from hopping in circles?

The answer lies within:
You nail their other foot to the floor.

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105 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Jul 06, 2013 1:09 pm

A black man, an asian, an indian, and a jew all fall off of a cliff at the same time. Which one of them will die first?

Spoiler:
Who cares? This is great news!

What do you tell a crying emo clutching a razor blade?

Spoiler:
You tell him to cut that out!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Spoiler:
To get to the other side.

The "other side" being the afterlife, or Heaven.

You all just finally understood this joke.



Last edited by Me on Sat Jul 06, 2013 1:13 pm; edited 1 time in total

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106 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Jul 06, 2013 1:11 pm

SQUIGGLES

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The 7th Wonder of the World
Q: Knock knock
A:
Spoiler:
knock knock

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107 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Jul 06, 2013 1:19 pm

How are a truck full of hay and a truck full of dead babies similar?

Anseur:
You can unload them both with a pitchfork

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108 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Jul 06, 2013 2:58 pm

Can we not tell dead baby jokes, please? I didn't use to have a problem with them, but now they cut a little too deep.

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109 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sun Jul 07, 2013 9:03 am

Jonny

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Prince of the Squirtle Squad
How did my thread turn into the thread that is both morbidly horrifying and depressing?

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110 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sun Jul 07, 2013 11:53 am

Hollyღ

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Dove in the Moonlight
Because bad jokes are both morbidly horrifying and depressing :S

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111 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sun Jul 07, 2013 12:03 pm

SQUIGGLES

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The 7th Wonder of the World
Much like abortions.

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112 Re: Bad Jokes! on Tue Jul 23, 2013 4:37 am

You know why the insult communist pig is never used?
BECAUSE COMMUNISTS CAN'T AFFORD PIGS.
BAM.

Everyone in Soviet Russia had a potato. To share.

What's the difference of between a lower-class communist and an American poor man? The latter has a choice of where he sleeps.

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113 Re: Bad Jokes! on Wed Jul 24, 2013 4:20 am

SQUIGGLES

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The 7th Wonder of the World
A man walks into a bar



He walks up to the bartender and says "tell me a joke"




The salty bartender looks him up and down and says "knock knock"









The man says "knock knock"






The bartender laughs

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114 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Aug 29, 2013 6:42 pm

Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus? Nobody.

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. The light bulb carries the seeds of its own revolution.

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115 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Aug 29, 2013 6:47 pm

SQUIGGLES

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The 7th Wonder of the World
Cube of Reason wrote:Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus? Nobody.
uh, wrong thread
that is a fantastic joke

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116 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Aug 29, 2013 6:53 pm

The only reason I get that joke is because of Justice League.

And yeah, it is fantastic.

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117 Re: Bad Jokes! on Fri Aug 30, 2013 7:12 am

Hollyღ

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Dove in the Moonlight
You'd feel cocky too if you were full of myself.

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118 Re: Bad Jokes! on Fri Sep 13, 2013 5:00 pm

SQUIGGLES

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The 7th Wonder of the World
What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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119 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Sep 14, 2013 2:33 am

The wife of a wealthy man was growing angrier and angrier every day. Almost every night, robbers somehow managed to sneak past their security measures and run off with something. So, one morning, she wakes up her husband and tells him that he will not get any food or sleep until she sees a big, scary guard dog in her house. So, reluctantly, the man got up and went to the most expensive pet store he could find.

The seller was more than ready to show him all of his different guard dogs: pitbulls, rottweilers, all that sort. But the man didn't want something ordinary, he wanted something truly feirce. The seller, seeing that this customer was a picky type, went to the backroom and pulled out a large, heavy, metal cage. The man was slowly getting interested, until he saw that all the cage contained was a scrawny little chihuahua.

"Are you pulling my leg? This thing couldn't defend my shoes, much less my house!" The man said, furious.

"Oh, no, sir. Trust me, this is our most dangerous pet here! His name is 'Karate', and, like his name says, he knows karate. As well as kung fu, taekwando, all of that." The seller said, pulling out a small table. "All you have to do is say his name, followed by what you want attacked."

As a demonstration, the seller shouts "Karate, that small table!" and, to the man's greatest surprise, the little dog got up on his hind legs and whacked the table in its center, breaking it in a perfect two. Obviously, the rich man gladly paid the chihuahua's expensive price, and went home.

Now, you can understand how furious his wife was when he came home with a chihuahua when she expected something dangerous and deadly. The man quickly tried to explain himself.

"No, honey, just look! This dog can do karate!"

The wife scoffs and looks down at the little dog. She then yells

"Karate, MY ASS!"

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120 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Sep 14, 2013 4:09 am

Jonny

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Prince of the Squirtle Squad
I've heard a variation of that joke before. I'll just say it doesn't involve a dog.

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121 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Sep 14, 2013 6:27 am

IS IT THE ONE THAT INVOLVES A DILDO

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122 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Sep 14, 2013 9:48 am

Voodoo dick, yeah.

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123 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Sep 14, 2013 10:44 am

I'm not sure how I feel about jokes with long lead-ups like that. They really gotta deliver for it to be worth the setup.
Brevity is the soul of wittttt

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124 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Sep 14, 2013 5:38 pm

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125 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Sep 14, 2013 5:39 pm

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