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Bad Jokes!

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1 Bad Jokes! on Wed Jun 01, 2011 9:22 pm

Jonny

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Prince of the Squirtle Squad
Post your silly, obvious, bad jokes here. If they're dirty/sick, perhaps we should spoiler them and say what they are.

Okay, I'll start with one of my own devising.

What do musicians cut vegetables on?

A Chopin board!

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2 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 02, 2011 12:13 am

What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?

BANANANAAAAA! BANANANAAAAA!

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3 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 02, 2011 5:25 am

JT_the_Ninja

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Ninjafleet Captain
Why don't they let dinosaurs have driver's licenses?

Because Tyrannosaurus wrecks. []

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4 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 02, 2011 7:04 am

Gorgro

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Glorious Leader
A farmer comes upon two snails who've eaten all his crops, and he asks them, "Why did you do such a thing?" To which the snails reply, "Because they lettuce!"

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5 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 02, 2011 12:23 pm

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

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6 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 02, 2011 1:33 pm

What do you call a black guy flying a plane?

Spoiler:
A pilot.

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7 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Jun 04, 2011 9:15 am

(don't read if you can't take a joke about anuimal cruelty (and REALLY DON'T TRY AT HOME!!))

How can you make a cat bark?
Spoiler:
Douse it in petrol and light it, makes a wonderful barking sound

And how can you make a dog meow?
Spoiler:
put it in a freezer, wait until it's nicely frozen, take it out and run it over a circular saw

(I got these from my dad)



Last edited by Packie on Sat Jun 04, 2011 9:18 am; edited 1 time in total

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8 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Jun 04, 2011 9:17 am

some more (and not so evil this time)

why does an idiot always have a knife in his/her car?
Spoiler:
to cut corners

and why does he/she have old newspapers in his/her car?
Spoiler:
so he/she can let it rip

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9 Re: Bad Jokes! on Wed Jun 08, 2011 2:59 pm

(it's PUN time!)

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it, mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I realized I wasn't patient enough.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

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10 Re: Bad Jokes! on Wed Jun 08, 2011 3:30 pm

JT_the_Ninja

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Ninjafleet Captain
What do you call a stupid french cow? Moutarde. []

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11 Re: Bad Jokes! on Wed Jun 08, 2011 4:35 pm

Horrible joke:

When I was 9 an living in Russia, I was at a friends house and he and his dad wanted to show me this really cool thing they found. It was some sort of parachute attached to something. I didn't really know what they were trying to show me until a bright flash of light and me being thrown on the floor away from them and getting up to see my friend's dad without arms and my friend bleeding like crazy. They had gone out to an old battlefield and dug up a bomb. Nothing I could do except watch in terror. Anyway, people do crazy shit and just because you happen to be there, doesn't mean you can save them from themselves.

Spoiler:
The moral of the story is, in Soviet Russia, BOMB DISARMS YOU!

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12 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 09, 2011 1:45 am

JT_the_Ninja

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Ninjafleet Captain
Q: What do you get when you throw a grenade into a French kitchen?

....



A: Linoleum Blown-apart. []

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13 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 16, 2011 7:45 am

Why was the calendar always afraid?

Spoiler:
Because its days were numbered!

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14 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:07 am

Hollyღ

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Dove in the Moonlight
War dosen't determine who is right, just who is left.

An atom walks into a bar, and asks the bartender how much for a beer. He replied, for you? No charge!

Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, “Oh no! I’ve lost an electron! The 2nd atom replies, “Are you sure?” Says the 1st atom, “I’m positive!"

Spoiler:
Yeah these are from Fallout what of it

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15 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:24 am

I once visited a crematorium where they gave discounts to burn victims.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks "Does this taste funny to you?"

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

It's common knowledge that irradiated cats have 18 half-lives.

Oh Wadsworth...

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16 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 16, 2011 10:30 am

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17 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 16, 2011 11:20 am

Hey, I heard that guy on NPR! I like him.

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18 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:54 pm

Jonny

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Prince of the Squirtle Squad
Dear God, what have I unleashed on this forum? Do I use my Mod powers for good...or evil?

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19 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 16, 2011 1:31 pm

Chaotic Neutral?

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20 Re: Bad Jokes! on Thu Jun 16, 2011 8:10 pm

Hollyღ

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Dove in the Moonlight
Why did Pac-Man cross the maze? To get to the same side!



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21 Re: Bad Jokes! on Fri Jun 17, 2011 1:01 am

JT_the_Ninja

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Ninjafleet Captain
"I tell ya, didn't know you'd need a college degree just to play this fighting game! It's just too tekken-ical for me..." []

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22 Re: Bad Jokes! on Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:49 am

Hey, guys, I had this great boomerang joke that I wanted to tell you. But I completely forgot the punchline.

Don't worry, though, it'll come back to me.

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23 Re: Bad Jokes! on Fri Jun 17, 2011 8:18 am

@Fallout 3 jokes a page back: <3
@Someguy: *facepalm*

What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
...
Popeye punched him right in the eye!

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24 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Jun 18, 2011 5:07 am

Hollyღ

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Dove in the Moonlight
@ JT - Boo! Hiss! Get off the stage!

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25 Re: Bad Jokes! on Sat Jun 18, 2011 7:42 am

Tuomey

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King Under The Bridge
Hey, did you know anything in java is just such a security risk?

It leaves everything a .jar!

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